SCREWED ADVENTURES:
LITTLE BOX AND THE JOURNEY TO PLANUT
BY THE STORY TAYLOR
SMASHWORDS EDITION
COPYRIGHT 2012 BY D.J. TAYLOR
PART 1: SCREWED
SCENE 1: INT. VINCENT'S CAR – EVENING
•JOSH and VINCENT drive down the street in Vincent's black Honda Civic. Their both in their early 20's. Josh has short messy black hair, a stubble covered face just shy of being a beard, thick black plastic glasses, and jeans and a t-shirt. Vincent was about a foot taller then Josh, messy blonde hair, jeans and an unbuttoned long sleeve shirt over a t-shirt. The car is older, but well kept. Vincent is driving, while Josh sings along to an indie rock song on the radio. Vincent turns to talk to Josh as they pull up to EMILY's house.
VINCENT: Do you think you could hop in the backseat so Emily can sit up here?
JOSH(Teasing):Why? Are you finally gonna make a move?
VINCENT(Defensive): Hey don't rush me, things like this take time.
JOSH(Sarcastically): Well you better hurry up, I'm starting to feel like the third wheel of a tricycle that no one gets to ride.
•Josh hops out of the car as he sees Emily approaching, and holds the door open for her. Emily is also in her twenty’s, with long auburn hair, and longer legs, she is the shortest of the three.
JOSH(Flirty): Here you go m'lady
EMILY(Smiling): Why thank you kind sir.
•Vincent throws a jealous glare at Josh, but it quickly melts away as Emily sits down next to him in the front seat.
EMILY: So where are we going tonight boys?
JOSH(Excitedly): Well Vincent knows some guys that can get us some dro!
EMILY(Pouting): Aw, but Thought we could go see the new Twilight tonight.
•Josh and Vincent gave each other nervous glances, and they knew they would give in to her demands.
EMILY(Laughing): Come on, you guys know I hate Twilight! Let's go get high!
•Josh and Vincent both let out sighs of relief. The car pulls away from Emily's house and starts heading towards the dro.
EMILY: You guys are too easy. So who are these guys with dro? Anyone I know?
VINCENT(Nervously): About that, these guys are a little eccentric. I just met them a few days ago, and well. Let's just say that their different.
•Emily starts looking worried and is about to say something before Josh Chimes in.
JOSH(Scolding Vincent): Jeez, why do you have to make everything so so bad? Their two redneck brothers, they might scare you at first but I promise they wouldn’t hurt a fly. And once you get stoned, they'll be the funniest thing in the room.
EMILY(Skeptically): Red necks? I dunno, Twilight is starting to sound better right about now.
VINCENT: And you wonder why I didn't want to tell her.
JOSH(Reassuringly): Trust me, if these guys didn't have the best dro in town then we wouldn't be going at all.
EMILY: And what if I absolutely hate it there?
JOSH(Pleading): If you really wanna leave, just scratch your nose and we'll make up some kind of excuse to get out of there.
EMILY(Giving in): Alright, alright. I'll go, but this had better be the best weed I've ever smoked.
SCENE 2: EXT. THE FREDRICKSON'S YARD – NIGHT
•The Fredrickson's live in a two story log cabin with a screened in porch. There is forest on all sides except for a narrow dirt road leading away from their house to the main road. The yard is littered with empty beer cans and trash. FREDERICK and CLETUS are sitting in rocking chairs on the porch, sipping on cans of beer and passing a joint between them. Cletus is in his late 30's, while Frederick is in his late 40's to early 50's. Both of them are dressed in overalls, Frederick has a red flannel shirt on while Cletus is shirtless. They are also both overweight with sizable beer guts. A pair of shotguns sit between the brothers. Frederick picks his up as Vincent's car pulls up.
CLETUS(Concerned shout): Whoa, whoa! Fred what are you doin'?!
FREDERICK(Angrily): Come on Cletus, how many times do I gotta tell you what we do to unwanted visitors?
CLETUS(Concerned still, but not shouting anymore): Well yeah I know, but we invited them.
FREDERICK(Putting down the shotgun): Well shit, why didn't you say so sooner. I could'a killed them.
INT. VINCENT'S CAR – NIGHT
JOSH(Reassuringly): See, I told you he'd put the gun down.
EMILY: It still doesn't look very inviting.
•The Fredrickson's can be seen through the front windshield, their holding up a very large bag of weed and motioning for them to come out of the car.
VINCENT(Pointing towards the Fredrickson's, smiling): How about now?
EXT. THE FREDRICKSON'S YARD – NIGHT
•Emily runs excitedly towards the Fredrickson's, while Josh and Vincent are still getting out of the car. Frederick and Cletus have jaw dropped expressions on their faces as Emily runs towards them.
EMILY(Excitedly yelling): Oh my God, I've never seen so much pot before!
CLETUS(Under his breath): I've never seen such perky tits before.
EMILY(Slightly out of breath as she reaches the porch steps): So how much are you guys selling for?
CLETUS: Well it depends on how much you want, and the quality...
FREDERICK(Cutting Cletus off): For you my darling, no charge.
EMILY(Thankful): Aw, really! My friends too?
•Vincent and Josh arrive at Emily's side, awaiting Frederick’s answer as they stared down the large bag of weed.
FREDERICK(Unsure):Well I dunno...
EMILY(Cupping her hands together, and pushing her breasts together with the sides of her arms): Please!
FREDERICK(Giving in without taring his gaze away from Emily's chest): Alright, alright. Come on in and I'll smoke you all out.
SCENE 3: INT. THE FREDRICKSON'S CABIN – NIGHT
•The Fredrickson's cabin is filled to the brim with all manner of things. Taxidermy-ed animals adorned every wall, most of which were made from two or more animals. Also scattered about were magazines, guns of all kinds, empty water jugs and a few full of coins, ancient and presumably broken TV's, junk food wrappers, empty beer cans, cigarette butts and roaches over flowed from one central ashtray in what one could assumed to be a living room. The Fredrickson's invite them to have a seat around the coffee table upon which this ashtray sits. The furniture ranged from antiques to lawn chairs. The only other place to sit is a sad oversized and sagging couch. On opposing sides of the living room hung an American flag, and a Confederate flag. Next to the overflowing ashtray is a taxidermy animal with the body of a squirrel, the tail of a beaver, and goat horns. In front of the couch is a stack of TV's, 3 high.
FREDERICK: Alright, have a seat and we'll get to smoking. Now let's see...
•Frederick does a quick head count, point at everyone as he counts them.
FREDERICK (CONT'D): Five heads. I think this calls for a blunt!
•Frederick takes a seat in the center of the couch, and begins to break up the weed. Josh, Vincent, and Emily fill up the remaining space on the couch, while Cletus takes a near by lawn chair.
EMILY: So where did you guys get so much weed?
CLETUS: Oh, we get all our weed from the fantasy weed island.
FREDERICK(Shouting, still rolling): Dammit Cletus! I told you never to revel our secret!
CLETUS(Apologetic): Sorry Fred.
JOSH(Excited): Whoa, a fantasy weed island?!
FREDERICK(Annoyed): See what you started now Cletus.
VINCENT: Hey I remember you told me about this last time I was here. It's in the middle of a huge lake around here right?
FREDERICK(Dumbfounded and angry): Wha...
CLETUS: Hey Fred, I see the blunt you've been rolling is done.
FREDERICK(Surprised): Oh hey! So it is. Let's smoke!
•Everyone looks relieved as Frederick's anger disappears as suddenly as it came. After a few hits of the blunt it's replaced by happiness. Everyone is now laughing and having fun as they higher. Cletus gets up briefly to put on a Chet Atkins record, unceremoniously knocking over a stack of papers to reveal a record player underneath. It was hooked up to an old set of speakers that looked to be straight from the 70's. He returned to his seat just in time for his hit.
JOSH(Stoned, staring at the various taxidermy animals): So what's with all the animals man? You guys really kill all them?
FREDERICK(Nodding and smiling, hands folded across chest): Impressive isn’t it.
VINCENT(Pointing towards a taxidermined bear head near the front door): Yeah, especially that one.
FREDERICK: Ha, you think that's impressive
FREDERICK (CONT'D)[Turning towards Cletus]: Cletus, show them the...
•He pauses for dramatic effect, but it comes off a little cheesy. Emily giggles while Josh and Vincent hang on his every word.
FREDERICK (CONT'D): The alien!
•Emily bursts into full blown laughter, and the rest of them being stoned soon followed suite. Still laughing, Cetus gets up to follow his brothers order. The laughing fits start dying down as he returns. In his hands is the taxidermined head of an alien. It has a dull gray color to it, a large bulbous head that ended in a point at it's chin. Large black liquid like eyes, three foot long translucent antennas arching out from its forehead filled strange round black masses, a small slit for a mouth, and two small holes where a nose should be. The sight of it sets Emily off in another fit of laughter, but Josh and Vincent become shocked beyond the ability to speak. Emily recovers from her latest laughing fit before Josh and Vincent are able to compose themselves.
EMILY(Still giggling a little between words): Holy shit is that for real?
CLETUS(Tossing the alien head towards Emily): See for yourself pretty lady.
•Emily let out a scream as she caught the cold leathery head. She tossed it up in the air, not wanting it to be near her any longer. Josh didn't catch it so much as have it land in his lad. It landed face to face with him, and he became transfixed by it.
JOSH(Stunned whisper): Holy crap...
FREDERICK(Prideful): We got him about six months back.
VINCENT(Finally coming out of his daze): How the hell'd you manage that?
SCENE 4: EXT. FANTASY WEED LAKE – NIGHT
•A huge lake with a small island at it's center. The lake itself is surrounded by forest. The entire scene is illuminated by the full moon. Frederick and Cletus can be seen fishing from a small row boat, floating somewhere between the two shores. They were drinking and smoking as they fished.
FREDERICK (NARRATING): Well me and Cletus here were fishing out by Fantasy Weed Island one night. Course we didn't know it was a weed island just yet.
•Everything around them starts to get brighter. The brothers stat to panic, and begin frantically rowing towards the main shore.
FREDERICK (NARRATING): We weren’t fishing for aliens of course, but they sure as hell were fishing for us.
•The light becomes blindingly bright as it follows them across the lake. The Fredrickson's start floating upwards towards the source of the light. They scream out in terror and for help.
FREDERICK (NARRATING): I tell you what, that was the scariest shit of my life.
CLETUS (NARRATING): Amen brother.
SCENE 5: INT. ALIEN SPACE SHIP – SPACE
•Cletus and Frederick have been transported aboard an alien ship. The walls of the ship were sleek and metal, with rows of lights running along the sides in intricate patterns. The walls slowly faded from one color to the next in an infinite rainbow loop. Tall slender beings stood around them, all with heads exactly like the taxidermined one from earlier. None of the aliens had clothes of any kind on. They are surrounded by the gray males, with a few green females looking on from behind them with mild interest. They sat in the center of a large room, with their legs sprawled out in front of themselves. Fear gripped Cletus as he stared down his abductors, but Frederick seemed wrought with anger.
FREDERICK (NARRATING): But once I saw that it was fucking aliens I 'bout lost my shit.
•Frederick stood up to confront the aliens, while Cletus seemed content to grip his brothers leg in fear.
FREDERICK(Shouting in anger while jabbing his finger in the aliens direction): You slimy mother fuckers! We're both highly evolved sentient beings! There's no reason to go around kidnapping people you fuckin' dicks!
•Two of the grays began to approach Frederick, speaking in a strange alien language as they did so. Frederick quickly whipped out a concealed hunting knife from his boot, and slashed through the eye of the nearest gray. The wounded gray staggered backward clutching his eye as he barked more orders at the rest of the grays in their strange alien language.
FREDERICK(Laughing triumphantly): Ha! Come at me again you fucker's!
•Seeing his brother fight back galvanized Cletus into action, and he quickly grabbed a hold of another Gray that was headed towards them. Cletus pulls out a hunting knife of his own, and holds it up the the alien's throat.
CLETUS(Fierce determination in his voice):So what's our next move bro?
FREDERICK(Gloating):I'll tell you what we're gonna do next.
•Frederick then turned towards the mass of grays, slowly pointing towards each one with his bloody knife as he spoke.
FREDERICK: These bug eyed cock suckers are gonna send us back to Earth, or we're gonna gut their friend here!
•He leveled his knife at his hostages midsection with his last line. The grays started yelping wildly at the Fredrickson's, in their strange alien language. Suddenly the section of floor beneath the Fredrickson's begins to glow white, much like the light that brought them aboard the ship. Cletus loosens his grip in shock, and his hostage uses this opportunity to escape by easily tossing Cletus over his shoulder.
CLETUS(Trailing off in a scream): Oh son of a bitch...
•Still flying through the air, Cletus manages to slice the aliens head off. At that same moment all of the walls turn a bright and angry shade of of red,and the floor beneath the Fredrickson's reach it's brightest point. The next instant the light was gone, along with it were the Fredrickson's and the severed head of an alien. The floor now matches the walls angry red color. Green female aliens now weep over the headless alien, and an alien with a huge bloody gash running through his eye looks on in menacing anger.
SCENE 6: EXT. FANTASY WEED ISLAND – NIGHT
•The Fredrickson's appear about five feet above a large pile of bud which serves to break their fall quite well. The stared at each other in dumbfounded shock for a few seconds, before letting out a series of loud shouts of joy.
FREDERICK (NARRATING): And that's how we discovered Fantasy Weed Island.
SCENE 7: INT. FREDRICKSON'S CABIN – NIGHT
EMILY(Laughing hysterically and shouting): Oh shut the fuck up!
CLETUS(Defensively): Hey we got the head, what more proof do you need?
VINCENT(Skeptically): But you just landed in a pile of bud? You gotta admit that sounds a little too convenient.
FREDERICK(Boastfully): Well that's actually another very interesting story.
•Suddenly everyone looks up to a blinding flash of light coming in through the nearby windows, followed by a loud BWOMFPH sound just outside of the cabin. They just stared at each other for a few moments before racing outside to see what happened.
SCENE 8: EXT. THE FREDRICKSON'S YARD – NIGHT
•A small crater has appeared where Vincent's car once stood. In the center of the crater is a small metal cube, glistening in the moon light. Chunks of Vincent's car are scattered around the crater, the bulk of it being crushed underneath the metal cube. Several small fires casually burned around the crater.
FREDERICK(Deadly serious): Cletus get my shotgun, their back to finish the job.
EMILY(Nervously laughing): What?...What the fuck?
VINCENT(Wailing): My car!
•Vincent runs wailing toward the cube, and starts pounding on it in despair. The Fredrickson's follow close behind, shotguns in hand and ready for war. Josh and Emily followed cautiously behind them. Cletus pulls Vincent from from the cube and tosses him to the ground behind him.
CLETUS(Annoyed): Git away from there ya big dummy.
FREDERICK: Yeah, we'll take it from here.
VINCENT(Whimpering): My car...
•Suddenly the top of the cube popped open with a hiss of escaping air.
FREDERICK: Hold steady Cletus, he's almost on us.
•A voice with a British accent could be heard from the depths of the cube, as if far away.
VOICE (ERIC)[Scolding]: Jeez Jon, I thought you'd never stop knocking. I really must teach you some manners one of these days.
•Frederick and Cletus gave each other curious looks at the sound.
JOSH(Quizzically): Is that a person in there?
VINCENT(now filled with desperate rage):Who cares what it is! Don't you see what he did to my car! Kill him!
FREDERICK(Annoyed): Would you shut yer trap, he's getting closer.
•Foot steps could be heard echoing up towards them for the impossible depths of the cube. A hand can be seen curling around the edge of the cube top, and lifting it all the way open. Emily gasped at the sight of the hand while the Fredrickson's steadied their aim on whoever was coming out of the box. A tall slender man with messy looking short black hair and a neatly kept goatee emerged from the cube on a ladder that seemed to stretch down far below the bottom of the cube. He wore a dull orange long sleeve shirt and black slacks. Fear sweeps over his face as he takes in the shotguns aimed at him.
ERIC(Frightened half whisper): Oh my.
FREDERICK(Growling): Who are you, start talking!
ERIC(Frightened and nervously smiling while extending his hand to shake, with his other hand raised in the air in surrender): Oh, I'm Eric...
•He was cut off short by Cletus bashing him in the face with the butt of his gun. Eric's body slumped forward hanging over the edge of the cube unconscious as Frederick shot an angry look towards Cletus.
FREDERICK(Angrily): What the fuck was that for? He was clearly human.
CLETUS(Sheepishly): Sorry, his accent was freakin' me out.
FREDERICK: Alright, let's get him inside at least.
•Frederick and Cletus hoist Eric's body out of the cube, and carry him back to the cabin. The others follow slowly behind as they talk.
EMILY(Freaked out): Was that fucking pot laced or something?!
VINCENT(Still in shock from his car's destruction.): I never saw anything like this the first time I smoked their pot.
JOSH(Excited): Hey guys, I kinda wanna go check out his ship!
•Emily and Vincent both stop and stare Josh down.
EMILY(Scolding): Are you crazy?
JOSH(Defensively): Well why not?
•Josh throws his arms up to help make his point.
JOSH (CONT'D): It's a freaking space ship! I mean when are we ever gonna get another chance to see one? And if you ask me Vince, space ship for a car is an awesome trade.
•Vincent started smiling at the prospect of owning a space ship. Josh turned towards Emily with a pair of puppy dog eyes.
EMILY(Giving in): Alright fine.
•They start walking back toward the ship.
SCENE 9: INT. THE FREDRICKSON'S CABIN – NIGHT
•Eric was tied to a lawn chair in front of the tower of TV's, the Fredrickson's stood over him with arms crossed over their chests. He was still unconscious.
FREDERICK(Slightly impressed): Damn you really did a number on him little brother.
CLETUS: Like I said, his accent was pretty freaky.
FREDERICK: Well try not to hit him again when he wakes up. I actually want to hear him answer some of my questions.
•They stare down at him for a few more moments.
FREDERICK: Hey go get a bucket of water, we'll shock 'em awake.
•Cletus quickly leaves to get a bucket of water. He returns a few moments later with a bucket of water. He is about to toss it's contents onto Eric before Frederick stops him.
FREDERICK(Shouting): Are you crazy? Not when he's in front of the TV like that!
CLETUS(Annoyed with being shouted at): Well where should we do it then Fred?
•Eric begins to stir, awaken by the shouting.
ERIC(Groggy): Ugh...Please don't pour water on me. I am awake now.
•Cletus starts a series of rapid fire questions that Eric barley has time to answer.
CLETUS(Aggressive): Who are you?
ERIC: My name is Eric Arnett
CLETUS: Are you an alien?
ERIC: I don't have my green card if that's what you mean
CLETUS(Pointing towards the door): What did that kid's car ever do to you?
ERIC(Apologetic): Oh, did I land on a car? Sorry.
FREDERICK: Cletus stop, there’s just one question I need him to answer for me.
•Frederick lowers himself on his knees until he's eye level with Eric.
FREDERICK (CONT'D)[Serious]: Are you Dr. Who?
ERIC(Scoffing): What like the television show?
•Eric stopped talking and saw how serious Frederick was. He gulped before continuing to speak.
ERIC: Well I suppose I am a bit like the good Doctor.
•Frederick let out a loud shout of joy as he grabbed up Eric, lawn chair and all in a big bear hug. Frederick swung Eric around despite Eric's protests.
FREDERICK(Joyous): Woo, I found Dr. Who! Come on, take me on an adventure with you!
ERIC(Annoyed shouting): Alright alright, just put me down!
•Frederick plopped Eric down back in front of the TV tower. The rope that held Eric to the lawn chair had loosened during Frederick's bear hug, and Eric now removed it the rest of the way. Eric shook his dizziness away, and takes in his surrounding for the first time.
ERIC(Curiously point toward the bag on the center table): Is that pot?
SCENE 10: EXT. THE FREDRICKSON'S YARD – NIGHT
•Emily, Vincent, and Josh reach the ship. Josh arrives first, and tries to climb in but he is stopped by the sudden appearance of a HOLOGRAM that looks like Eric.
HOLOGRAM ERIC(Sounds like a slightly robotic Eric, cheerful): Why hello there! My name is Eric Arnett, universal explorer and unofficial ambassador to Earth. It appears as though you are trying to board my ship without me, and I must insist that you wait until I can accompany personally. We can't be too careful with the Squirrel Armada on the move, I'm sure you understand.
EMILY: Wow, what a character.
JOSH(Glancing at the hologram uncertainly as he speaks): I'd probably think he was crazy if his hologram didn't just talk to us.
VINCENT: So are we getting on this ship or what? I'm not about to let some hologram stop me.