MARKED FOR DELETION
Flash Fiction
by
David Ker
Smashwords Edition
Version 03.May.2011
Copyright 2011 David Ker
Table of Contents
Joe B. Logger plans his escape
PREFACE
These stories were written at the beginning of November 2010 as part of the annual National Novel Writing Month. I set out with not much more than the idea that I was going to write a novel in which I killed all of my blogger friends. The novel quickly morphed into a series of short stories and much to my surprise NO ONE DIED!
Bloggers are harder to kill than I realized. Maybe it's just because despite all their bluster, they are just a bunch of lovable goofs. Or maybe I lack the temperament to do anyone in. Whatever the case, “Twelve bloggers on an island” is the only chapter where anyone is killed. I desperately want to kill Nigel in Chapter 10 but haven't figured out how or whodunit. At Chapter 11 I had to stop because life interrupted thus a rather sudden end to that story.
The title “Marked For Deletion” comes from the online idea factory Half Bakery.
Thanks for reading and for being the inspiration for these stories. I enjoyed writing short stories so much that I think I'll do it again sometime when time permits.
This humble collection is dedicated to my blogger friends. You really are killer.
David Ker (aka Lingamish)
Johannesburg, November 2010
Introduction to the Ebook
In going over the original stories published in 2010, I decided to omit some of the really awful ones and also two at the end that I never could decide how to end. What better end to a murder story than for it to be killed off entirely?
All the stories that I spared are great. I enjoyed writing them. In fact, I discovered the other addiction of fiction: writing it. We all know what it is to hungrily devour a good book. Writing fiction is another kind of buzz. The story unfolds in the telling. And sometimes you get goose bumps because you discover as you’re writing what is going to happen and it’s nothing you would have thought of had you tried to map out the story before you started. I’d write more stories like these and maybe even get good at it but I’m just so danged lazy. There’s a library full of books just down the street and I can enjoy someone else’s hard work rather than doing any of my own.
If you enjoyed these stories, you can let me know at kanyimbe@gmail.com. If you didn’t like the stories, the same address will work.
The story Nuno Sa Punso will make more sense if you do a quick bit of research about Philippine folklore.
David Ker
Muizenberg, South Africa
May 2011
Tom and the Ninja Nun
When Tom saw the pen on the desk in his study, his heart began to pound. His mouth tasted of iron and his fingers were trembling as he moved the pen back to its normal place on the right side of his keyboard. It was a red pen, felt tip. The one he used for marking up posts off the Internet that he printed out to make it easier to study. The pen had moved because someone had used it to deface his keyboard. Four letters had been circled: S, T, O, P. Breathing hoarsely, Tom wiped perspiration from his face using the handkerchief in his pants’ pocket.
Tom touched the S key and the ink smudged. Had it been defaced recently? Or did this ink just not stick to the keys? Downstairs, he heard a door slam. Tom froze. Perhaps the vandal was in the house at this very moment. Hearing footsteps on the stairs, Tom looked wildly around the room and his eyes locked on his father’s cane leaning in the corner next to the window. He grabbed the heavy cane with the brass ball on the end and raised it above his head as his other hand grasped the door knob and threw it open.
Standing outside the door, his wife screamed as she saw her husband lunge then catch himself.
Tom collapsed into his office chair and let the cane clatter to the hardwood floor. His wife rushed to his side and knelt by his knees.
“What on earth are you doing?”
“I’m sorry, Trudy. An intruder has been in my office. When you came in I thought it was you.”
“Don’t be silly. Is something missing?”
“No, but someone wrote on my keyboard.”
Trudy stood and looked at the keyboard. “STOP. Why would someone write that?”
Tom leaned forward with his face in his hands. “It’s the Ninja Nun. She wants me dead.”
Trudy laughed lightly, “You mean one of your blogger friends? Why could she possibly want you dead?”
“I’ve been getting nervous about her. She’s been getting increasingly aggressive in her comments on my post. She must have found out where I live.”
“Do you think she really is a Ninja? Or a nun? Maybe she can do all those kung fu acrobatics and was able to get into the house from the window.” Tom and Trudy both turned to the window and saw that it was open about an inch at the bottom. Standing by the window Tom looked at the sheer drop to the alley behind their house.
“Well, she must be a ninja to get into this window.” Tom sighed and returned to his chair. Trudy leaned against his desk and looked down at him with her arms folded across her chest. “Tom, this blogging thing has gone too far. It’s one thing to engage in online discussion but this has you’re neglecting your family all for the sake of a bunch of people you’ll never even meet.”
“I can’t stop, Trudy. My blog is starting to have an impact. Look at what happened with my post on the translation of Sheol. I even had Bible translators reading and responding to my post.”
“But, Tom, you’re just an ordinary guy. You’ve got a job and kids. Maybe you should leave the blogging to the professionals and get on with your life.”
Tom stood up angrily. “Whatever the case, I’m not going to stand by while some whacko breaks into my house and vandalizes my property. I’m calling the police.”
Tom placed his hand on the phone, but before he could pick it up, Trudy had placed her hand on top of his and was holding it down.
“Wait a minute, Tom. Is there any other evidence of a break in? Was anything else taken? Maybe this was just some neighborhood kids playing a prank. You know how they come in and out of our house. Our door is never locked.”
Tom stepped back from the phone. “Well, from now on we’d better keep things locked. I can’t imagine why a kid would do something crazy like this.”
Trudy wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly. “Just try to relax, honey. I’ll go make us some tea. You have a look around your room and make sure nothing was taken.”
Tom breathed deeply and the scent of her hair and the feel of her embrace relaxed him for the first time since he had seen the pen. “Alright. Go fix some tea. I’ll be down in a minute.”
Sitting at his desk, Tom pulled out one of the wet wipes he used for cleaning the computer screen and keyboard. He started rubbing on the S key. The ink wiped clean and the screen also sprang to life. Instead of the normal sign on screen asking for his password, Tom saw one Hebrew word marching across his screen, שְׁאֹ֑ול, Sheol.
How could she get past my password? What was the Ninja Nun trying to tell him? It started soon after Tom had published his post, “You’re going to hell and I’m not.” Never had one of his posts generated so much attention and comment. On the Internet, Tom was known as The Deacon, and his blog Diakonos had been relatively unknown until he published his polemical post on the translation of Sheol in the Old Testament. Tom had never completed Bible college. Mounting debts and a growing family had meant an end to his aspirations to study the Biblical languages. But he had continued as an amateur, even stealing time away from his cubicle job to read the latest theological journals and continue the study of Hebrew that had been so abruptly cut off when he and Trudy had received the letter informing them that they would not be eligible for study in the upcoming year due to lack of financial aid. Now, ten years later, with a teenage son and daughter in the house, and a stable but mediocre career as a claims processor for a health insurance company, Tom continued to study Hebrew. He enjoyed interacting with scholars on the mailing lists and blogs on the Internet. Despite his lack of credentials, scholars were in general courteous, although they could be scathing if you slipped up. He still remembered with embarrassment the polite but humiliating correction of his post on a novel reading of “I will make a test of pleasure” in Ecclesiastes 2:1.
The Sheol post on the other hand had ignited a firestorm of rebuttals but his logic was unassailable. Most modern translations had rendered שְׁאֹ֑ול as “the grave” but that completely misinterpreted the thrust of Sheol in the ancient Hebrew worldview. The Deacon showed how ancient conceptions of the afterlife had nothing in common with the “harps and clouds” ideas so prevalent in modern thought. Tom had even shown how Jesus reinforced the idea of a shadowy netherworld existence as being the destiny of all humanity, good and bad until the final trumpet sounded and the great judgment commenced.
The Ninja Nun, however, would have none of it. A popular blogger who focused on what he called “free ticket” universalism, she regularly criticized The Deacon’s position and asserted that there was just as much evidence for universal redemption as there was for his own barbaric, as she called it, conception of wrath and torment.
Tom’s blog had become incredibly popular with hundreds of visits, search engine results, mentions on other blogs. He was popular even if he wasn’t liked. It was a striking contrast with his benign real-life existence. The nice guy in the office. Friendly, always ready to help out a colleague. Just the kind of guy to keep his job but never move ahead, Tom thought to himself with regret. He preferred to keep his online identity completely separate from his real life. Even so, as his online popularity increased he spent increasing amounts of time alone in his office, responding to commenters, adding flaming comments of his own to other blogs and studying for hours the statistics provided by the blogging software.
Tom was confident of his anonymity which is why he had been shocked when Bibbler, one of the bloggers that he regularly interacted with had called him, “The Dealer of Damnation from Des Moines.” How had Bibbler discovered where he lived? Apparently, Bibbler had picked up his IP address from a comment Tom had left on his blog. Plugging this in to a certain website had revealed Tom’s general location, even showing Des Moines on a map.
Maybe Ninja Nun had used this to discover where he lived? Well, two can play this game, Tom thought to himself, as he opened his web browser and searched through the list of commenters on his blog. Finding a comment by Ninja Nun he copied her IP address and then plugged it into the IP tracking website. Looking at the results, Tom’s skin crawled. Under his breath, he gasped, “It’s you!”